Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2022 10:38 pm
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Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
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Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2022 8:32 am
This does not bode well for me:
Devil: This is the lake of lava you will be spending eternity in.
Me: Actually, since we’re underground, it would be magma.
Devil: You understand this is why you’re here, right?
Devil: This is the lake of lava you will be spending eternity in.
Me: Actually, since we’re underground, it would be magma.
Devil: You understand this is why you’re here, right?
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2022 12:27 pm
LOL This is all of us who never answer phone from unknown number!
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2022 10:53 pm
A midget Texan went to the doctor's office.
After filling out all the forms and providing proof of insurance, he was hustled off to an examination room. The doctor arrived a few minutes later and asked what was the problem.
The midget replied that his testicles hurt something ferocious and he was afraid it may be cancer.
The doctor had the midget drop trow and get up on the exam table.
The doctor cupped the Texan's right testicle and had him cough.
The doctor then cupped the Texan's left testicle and had him cough.
The doctor went to a drawer and pulled out a pair of scissors. He told the Texan that this would not hurt but the midget was terrified and looked away as the doctor approached with the scissors. He heard snip-snip-snip and after a minute heard snip-snip-snip.
As the doctor went to put up the scissors, he told the midget to get off the table, pull his pants up and walk around.
The Texan complied and to his amazement the pain was gone.
He asked the doc what he had done.
"I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots," the doc replied.
After filling out all the forms and providing proof of insurance, he was hustled off to an examination room. The doctor arrived a few minutes later and asked what was the problem.
The midget replied that his testicles hurt something ferocious and he was afraid it may be cancer.
The doctor had the midget drop trow and get up on the exam table.
The doctor cupped the Texan's right testicle and had him cough.
The doctor then cupped the Texan's left testicle and had him cough.
The doctor went to a drawer and pulled out a pair of scissors. He told the Texan that this would not hurt but the midget was terrified and looked away as the doctor approached with the scissors. He heard snip-snip-snip and after a minute heard snip-snip-snip.
As the doctor went to put up the scissors, he told the midget to get off the table, pull his pants up and walk around.
The Texan complied and to his amazement the pain was gone.
He asked the doc what he had done.
"I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots," the doc replied.
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2022 8:43 am
I tripped on a box Kleenex this morning, and at first, I thought I might have broken my ankle.
But fortunately, there was only soft tissue damage.
But fortunately, there was only soft tissue damage.
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2022 10:19 am
Being Veteran's Day, I always think of the story about American fighter ace Sven Thorinson. He shot down over 30 Nazi planes during WWII.
Sven was a 1st generation American who grew up in a small Minnesota town and joined the Army after Pearl Harbor.
After V-E Day, Sven was honored in his hometown with a dinner, to which everyone showed up. The mayor went through all Sven's honors, then invited Sven to the podium to speak to the audience.
After Sven's speech, he opened the floor to questions. A small child asked what was Sven's most harrowing experience in the war.
"Ya, Ya, Ya. I was flying over France when I was jumped by 3 Fockers."
A gasp rose from the crowd which caused the mayor to jump up and calm the crowd, explaining that a Focker was a type of Nazi fighter plane.
"Ya, Ya" said Sven, "that is true, but these Fockers were flying Messerschmitts."
Sven was a 1st generation American who grew up in a small Minnesota town and joined the Army after Pearl Harbor.
After V-E Day, Sven was honored in his hometown with a dinner, to which everyone showed up. The mayor went through all Sven's honors, then invited Sven to the podium to speak to the audience.
After Sven's speech, he opened the floor to questions. A small child asked what was Sven's most harrowing experience in the war.
"Ya, Ya, Ya. I was flying over France when I was jumped by 3 Fockers."
A gasp rose from the crowd which caused the mayor to jump up and calm the crowd, explaining that a Focker was a type of Nazi fighter plane.
"Ya, Ya" said Sven, "that is true, but these Fockers were flying Messerschmitts."
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2022 10:32 am
The following is a true story. I was a very sickly child that culminated with a kidney removal when I was 2 years old.
A couple of years ago, my type 1 diabetes flared up and I ended up in the ICU. When discharged, it was suggested I have my kidney checked out by a nephrologist.
I took the records of my operation with me to see the doctor, which he reviewed while I was there. He pointed out that they no longer do this type of surgery and that most people that had this operation don't live past the age of 50.
So, if you ever come to visit and smell something bad at my house, that is just me. I am 16 years past my 'use by date.'
A couple of years ago, my type 1 diabetes flared up and I ended up in the ICU. When discharged, it was suggested I have my kidney checked out by a nephrologist.
I took the records of my operation with me to see the doctor, which he reviewed while I was there. He pointed out that they no longer do this type of surgery and that most people that had this operation don't live past the age of 50.
So, if you ever come to visit and smell something bad at my house, that is just me. I am 16 years past my 'use by date.'
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2022 11:16 pm
Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans.
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2022 10:12 am
I went on an once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never Again.
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2022 5:18 pm
I have a table and chairs that go back to Louis the 14th.
Well, unless I can figure out a way to pay Louis for them by the 13th.
Well, unless I can figure out a way to pay Louis for them by the 13th.
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2022 8:55 am
I have a pet termite named Clint - Clint Eats-wood.
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2022 12:45 pm
Packers QB Jordan Love and Jalen after a game. Someone should write a song. 
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2022 7:59 am
My kids think modern technology has passed me by.
But that's just because they don't completely understand the fax.
But that's just because they don't completely understand the fax.
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2022 9:23 am
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants to play?
In case he gets a hole in one
In case he gets a hole in one
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Wed Dec 28, 2022 3:00 pm
The British say -
The sun never sits on the British Empire.
The French reply -
That's because God doesn't trust them in the dark.
The sun never sits on the British Empire.
The French reply -
That's because God doesn't trust them in the dark.
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2023 11:30 pm
This thread should never drop off the front page.
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